Good morning again,
I was thinking about our orientation last night and noticed an interesting change from my usual orientations. Usually we talk quite a lot about the wonderful practice of silence. How transformative and deep and challenging it can be to be with a group of people without the usual chatting for a week. How much that helps us quiet down and be more sensitive with our heart and with each other.
And we didn't talk about silence at all really beyond a little nudge not to be using the chat feature in Zoom other than to send an update to me or Carolyn.
So that gives us the interesting challenge of integrating a quieter more settled approach into your days with this online retreat. And maybe for those of us living alone or off at an AirBnb that will look a bit like an in person retreat. But for most of us it sounds like it'll be more of a dance with your household and the world.
As I was mentioning in some ways we are leading the dance but probably in deeper ways it's better to let the dance lead us. Following your nose out to your equivalent of standing on the deck and watching the hills instead of adding some extra stimuli. And the deep practice of patience and exceptance of all the stimuli your mind and your circumstances throw your way. "Oh! Hello, welcome - how can I meet you kindly? skillfully? Patiently?"
I'll be giving talks at this time on all five days. The broad topic is patience as you know. And the vehicle I want to use as a kind of roadmap to explore aspects of patience is a traditional Buddhist text that's treasured in Tibetan Buddhism as a exploration of not just patience but as a roadmap on how to be the best possible person we can be.
This initial talk will be a little more scholastic as I want you to have some context for this. Sometimes our mindfulness movement is little free with little quotations and mentions of things from different traditions without context so that's another of my intentions with these roots retreats. To go a little deeper.
That said, don't worry about remembering all or any of this. It's being recorded and you can go back to it later if you want the fact and details. Let it wash over you. The traditional instruction in the Zen monastery on receiving a talk is to sit in meditation and let the sounds and the words flow through your mind without holding onto a thing. To really trust the process without any grasping. So please do your version of that. I don't mind if you lean against something or lie down or whatever you choose to do. Or play with the idea of being upright in meditation as I speak. Try stuff.
So, this text was written in the 8th century by an Indian Buddhist monk named Shantideva while he was at the great Nalanda University in northern India. The title of this work which is written in Sanskrit verse around year 700 is Bodhisattvacaryāvatāra. The title is usually translated into English as "A guide to the bodhisattva's way of life."
A be a "bodhisattva" is the deep goal of Mahayana Buddhism - it means an awakening being - with a wonderful double meaning of a being who is herself awakening and is devoting herself to the awakening of others - and the spirit is always unconditional, creative, and loving: bodhisattvas are devoted to the awakening and healing of all beings without exception.
The school of Buddhism that this monk, Shantideva, was a part of is called that Madyamaka or "middle way" school and it's the teachings of this school that spread north into Tibet in several waves in the centuries just before and after Shantideva's life. A few centuries later Northern India was invaded by Turkish and Mongolian armies and Islam replaced Buddhism there. And after so many insane upheavals we now have Pakistan shifted over to the west a bit geographically but where the descendants of those folks ended up.
A side note about the monastic university Shantideva wrote this at is worthwhile I think. I don't know if it's encouraging or discouraging to think about how much turmoil and destruction humans have been through over the centuries but on the whole I think holding a bigger view of history does help.
At it's height they think Nalanda had over 10,000 monks living and studying there and the library had hundreds of thousands of volumes. If may have been founded as early at 1200 BCE making the university about 2400 years old when it was destroyed around year 1200 CE. One account says the invading Muslim forces mistook it for a fortress because it was such a large walled compound making it a priority for them to sack it.
An unfortunate side bar is it was a gendered system. Even though the Buddha did ordain nuns the misogyny of that culture had it's impact. It probably was mostly or exclusively men there.
2,400 years old! Oxford for comparison was surprisingly enough founded right about when Nalanda was being destroyed in 1200 make it about 820 years old. The University of Bologna in Italy might be a bit older. So Nalanda was three times older than the oldest Western universities and that's where our text comes from. So much has come and gone in our world and so much more will come and go.
This text is much treasured in Tibetan Buddhism - because of these 6th and 7th century Indian masters they treasure sometimes that Buddhism is called Indo-Tibetan. There are many many commentaries on it in every Tibetan Buddhist school and the main text I'll be re-reading as I prepare this talks is a book chronicling a week of teachings HH the Dalai Lama gave of it in 1991. That was the first time he'd given extensive teachings outside of Tibetan or India where the Tibetans in exile live. The book is called A Flash of Lightning in the Dark of the Night which is an image in the text.
We all want answers. It's wired into us. And preparing to teach a retreat I always feel a bit overwhelmed at first by the desire in me to try to give answers. If the topic is patience I should be able to explain patience to you in a way that will transform your life. And being an altruistic person, but not without ego, then it will be great if everyone of you discovered something new and important and life changing about patience, and then thanked me for helping you "get" the answer to patience and impatience.
But of course it doesn't work that way. And then after struggling a bit to think about how to teach this I eventually relax a bit.
It helps to remember that while it is really good news that we all do change - in every way - there's no part of us that's truly fixed - maybe some aspects of us are more resistant to change than others, I'll grant you that - we do all change.
And it helps to remember that change is a mysterious process. Some of it happens in our thinking minds for sure - we make connections, notice patterns, see new ways of thinking about things - this can be very exciting and gratifying. But I think that's just a tiny piece of where change happens. I think most change happens in deeper places in our heart, our subconscious, if you use the word "soul" then yes there too. And it's often the case that our conscious mind isn't aware of these deeper shifts and realignments for a while. For quite a while sometimes.
When we first take up mindfulness and compassion practices there often are many shifts and realizations and changes - it can be wonderful, it can be overwhelming - but then for most of us the process gets quieter, more subtle, more mysterious.
Some of the language, ideas, and suggestions made in this text will appeal to your conscious mind and some will probably bother you - you might have some arguments to make about Shantideva's attitude and approach. Some of what he suggests may seem extreme. And that's just fine, I don't think we should ever stop thinking critically or ignore or reactions to something just because some teacher is telling us this is "good stuff."
But on the other hand if our thinking mind is too harsh of a gatekeeper we never let anything new into our hearts. This is like the way social media can become an echo chamber of people agreeing with people who already agree with them. You can become your own echo chamber too - only taking in things you already agree with. So I'd encourage you this week to invite your intellectual gatekeeper to relax a little and let some old teaching in, let them marinate, let them sink into the darkness of your heart / psyche / subconscious / soul.
When I first started Zen Buddhist training I knew that the meditation was beneficial to me. I could see clear as can be that the days I got up early and stopped for an hour of meditation at the Zen Center before riding my bike up the hill to the university were consistently better days. I felt more grounded, resilient, my energy was better, I was less subject to the insecurity I often felt socially among my peers (who were all much more cool than me, no question).
But when I went a couple years later to live at a Zen Monastery for a while and really got exposed to the whole scene of American Zen I remember not being so sure I liked all of this stuff. I had this idea of "trying these clothes on for a while" to see if they really fit. Somehow I knew a quick trip to the dressing room wouldn't be sufficient to find out if they fit, that I had to put them on and walk around in them for a few months. And 3 months later I was getting into my car for the first time since I arrived and I found myself sitting so much differently in that funky old Toyota Corolla seat, and when I got back to the town I grew up in, I soon ran into an ex girlfriend who had ended things partly because she found me kind of needy and demanding, one of the first things she said was, "huh, you seem different!" and before long we were back together. For a young man that's probably the most convincing evidence that anything works eh? Getting your girl back! So I guess I realized then that the clothes fit.
So let's see how putting on this 7th century Buddhist poem on how to be a good person fits. It'll take a while to see.
Receiving a Buddhist text from a teacher is part of the magic in this tradition. It's not just a matter of reading the words, it's an empowered process of receiving something precious. In the book that's the first thing HH talks about, he said, "I received the transmission of the Bodhicharyavatara from Tenzin Gyalten, the Kunu Rinpoche, who received it himself from a disciple of Dza Patrul Rinpoche now regarded as one of the principal spiritual heirs of this teaching."
Well I myself received this teaching from my primary Dharma teacher, Norman Fischer, at retreats he led with our Zen sangha here in Bellingham in the early 2000's. Norman has been so several teachings by HH so maybe that's where he first heard of it, I can't remember.
HH goes on to share, "It is said that when Patrul Rinpoche [his teachers' teacher's teacher] explained this text auspicious signs would occur, such as the blossoming of yellow flowers, remarkable for the great number of their petals. I feel very fortunate that I am in turn able to give commentary on this great classic of Buddhist literature."
Buddhism has the reputation of being a very rational and kind of scientific spiritual tradition - a great wisdom tradition - a "science of the mind" - and HH the Dalai Lama is famous for encouraging dialog between traditional Buddhists and Western scientists. And is clearly a very brilliant thinker. But I don't think he is telling us about the magical flowers just for color or as it's a cute story, I am quite sure he believes this literally happened. And who are we to say it didn't?
Maybe some small miracles will occur as I now have the great, and intimidating honor, of sharing something of this text with you in the service of our growth and development as humans in a difficult time. I guess that's why I did that side bar on the destruction of Nalanda University - it can be helpful to remember that although we are indeed in a remarkable and difficult time that's hardly a unique situation for people. There have been so so so so many difficult times. And here we are in one of them.
So the teachings here are not just information that happens to be stored in a book. Even a special book. The teachings here are a process full of depth and mystery and ritual. We are invited to consider a massive feeling of trust, of faith, that we can actually evoke so that they can enter our hearts and do their work.
So in that spirit of a process of receiving, we'll open each set of teachings with five verses from the 3rd chapter of the text which are often recited as a prayer. It's what I sent in the email yesterday, I'll pop it on the screen too. Could be another thing to print out if that's easy to do. And if this feels like too much of course you can just listen!
Talk Opening Verse (from chapter 3)
May I be a guard for those who are protectorless,
A guide for those who journey on the road;
For those who wish to go across the water,
May I be a boat, a raft, a bridge.
May I be an isle for those who yearn for landfall,
And a lamp for those who long for light;
For those who need a resting place, a bed;
For all who need a servant, may I be a slave.
May I be the wishing jewel, the vase of plenty,
A word of power, and the supreme remedy.
May I be the trees of miracles,
And for every being, the abundant cow.
Like the great earth and the other elements,
Enduring as the sky itself endures,
For the boundless multitude of living beings,
May I be the ground and vessel of their life.
Thus, for every single thing that lives,
In number like the boundless reaches of the sky,
May I be their sustenance and nourishment
Until they pass beyond the bounds of suffering
These verses express something about the life of the "Bodhisattva" which is the ideal of this form of Buddhism. Bodhisattva means "being who awakens" - the idea being a being helps everyone awaken, helps everyone grown, helps every attain their fullest potential which in this cultural and religious sphere is to become a Buddha themselves.
So a bodhisattva becomes infinitely patient not by setting boundaries and practicing self care per se but by devoting herself utterly to others.
If your mind is already firing off warning flags - what's wrong with self-care? Aren't good boundaries healthy? - yes I think that's all true but let's set that aspect of becoming more resilient, compassionate, and patient people aside for now and investigate these teachings. They come from another culture and another time and they also may work from a somewhat different idea of what a this "self" we're trying to take care of actually is.
Holding it all lightly and with curiosity. And also noticing if in reciting those lines together there were any feelings other than "woah! Ut oh!" present. Was there a feeling of expansiveness, or of inspiration, or of deep commitment, or of love?
Listen to it again without chanting with me:
Talk Opening Verse (from chapter 3)
May I be a guard for those who are protectorless,
A guide for those who journey on the road;
For those who wish to go across the water,
May I be a boat, a raft, a bridge.
May I be an isle for those who yearn for landfall,
And a lamp for those who long for light;
For those who need a resting place, a bed;
For all who need a servant, may I be a slave.
May I be the wishing jewel, the vase of plenty,
A word of power, and the supreme remedy.
May I be the trees of miracles,
And for every being, the abundant cow.
Like the great earth and the other elements,
Enduring as the sky itself endures,
For the boundless multitude of living beings,
May I be the ground and vessel of their life.
Thus, for every single thing that lives,
In number like the boundless reaches of the sky,
May I be their sustenance and nourishment
Until they pass beyond the bounds of suffering
May be just what's needed. May I serve. May I help. And may I devote myself to this project infinitely and utterly without ever considering turning around from suffering in any form.
These are beings who show up. In a big way.
And these are beings who are supremely patient. The monks reciting this all those many years ago also knew, just like us, that reality is messy. They weren't naïve. That the protector-less might not give us lovin' gratitude for our protection, that the those you yearn for landfall might swim right past our island, and let's just slide right past the "servant and slave" language for now. But you get my point.
These lines suggest a deep commitment to helping others and keeping it up until no one needs any help. Later on we'll encounter HH's favorite line which I think he recites daily in his morning practice (which takes him 4 or 5 hours a day if I remember right):
For as long as space endures
And for as long as living beings remain,
Until then may I too abide
To dispel the misery of the world.
This take on patience is going to really feature a sense of devotion to others, devotion to a process of training, and especially devotion to nurturing a certain kind of intention.
What you aren't going to hear about from this tradition is a sense of self-protection, boundaries, or even self-care. This is challenging for us and some of the clothing we are trying on for size.
In a conventional way of course we do need to take care of ourselves. You can't serve others very well if you aren't rested or if you aren't nourished. But these teachings press on a kind of idea of self that we can easily take for granted as essentially true: the idea that we are separate little beings who need to built protective walls around ourselves. These teaching suggest a whole different model of self that is radically open and permeable and interpenetrated with others and the world.
For example our first cut on patience might be that I am here and there is a bothersome thing happening over there - this morning someone was banging something down the street, some kind of work project at 7:30am, and I noticed myself defaulting to that mode. I felt like my peaceful self over here in my apartment was being attacked a little bit. I imagined going out there to ask those other people to stop making that noise. Don't they know that peacefulness is important? It was so nice and quiet this morning, and now that's being messed up.
A narrow first cut on patience might be, "Okay - how to a relax about this noise. Stop being so reactive? Obviously some road crew is not going to listen to some strange telling them to be quiet anyway. How can I just accept that the world includes noise and I don't control everything?" That's not bad, better than just being a grouch. But these teachings will suggest something deeper than that. That it's not about me managing my mind and managing my environment. That there's a more powerful possibility here where I can be free and help to free others.
In a nutshell the patience Shantideva will be describing is a kind of passionate devotion to the wholeness, to non-separateness, to a radical and even cheerful kind of acceptance of all that is without acceptance. It's a high bar teaching to be sure, or maybe it's an encouragement to let go of our self-limiting idea that there are bars at all.
So that's enough for today. It's actually traditional to start slowly with these texts. Usually the teacher takes apart just the title word by word, character by character, on the first talk so we got a little further maybe.
I'll close with a song this is my rough version of Michael Hedge's version of e.e. cummings wonderful poem "i carry your heart with me(i carry it in"
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
[and] here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)